Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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