So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
