I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
