i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
