Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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