Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
