I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
