i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
this must be what syphilis tastes like
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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