i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
