I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
