He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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