Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
