you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
