You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I think your dad took our porno
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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