I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
