Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
