He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize