People in love make me want to vomit
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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