Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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