The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
