She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
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did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
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I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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