im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
