just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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