i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
