the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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