dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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