So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
