he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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