I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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