wrigley field is MILF paradise
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
