i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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