you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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