I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
