I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
