i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Let's paint friendship bongs
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
