I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I want to make a zoo with you.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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