Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
When are your genitals available?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
