Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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