she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
