It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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