So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
