oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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