yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
