All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I party with great urgency now.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
