i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
