first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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