my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
