The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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