I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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