and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
