Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
