We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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