she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
MIDGETS
????
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
