College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
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I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
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There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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