I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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