if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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