I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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