atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
