He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
