Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
