ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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