As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
