She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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