; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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