when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
